Open Letter To The Man Who Doesn’t Love Me Anymore

Are you having a hard time accepting that your relationship is over? Here are samples of an open letter that you can write to the man who does not love you anymore to try to explain what happened and what to do next.

Open Letter To The Man Who Doesn’t Love Me Anymore

Dear man who doesn’t love me anymore,

I know you think you’re being noble by breaking up with me, but I’m not sure why. I’m not going to “keep you from your true self” or “make you compromise on your career.” I’m not a bad person and I don’t deserve this kind of treatment.

You say that you’re afraid of what people would think if they knew we were together. Well, they know now, and they don’t care. They see that we’re happy together and they want us to be together forever. You can’t hide forever and eventually our paths will cross again. And when that happens, I hope you’ll have the courage to stand up for us and tell them how wrong they are about us – about our relationship and about me as a person.

I wish you all the best in life but please remember: I am not going anywhere.

Dear Man Who Doesn’t Love Me Anymore,

I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I’m going to say it anyway: I need you to tell me why you don’t love me anymore.

You see, I have this problem. You see, when people break up with me, I tend to get clingy and needy and obsessive about them. And the worst part is that the more you push me away, the more desperate I become.

So if you could just give me some kind of explanation for why we’re not together anymore that doesn’t involve “it’s not you, it’s me,” or “you’re too much work,” or “I’m just not that into you,” I’d really appreciate it.

Dear Man Who Doesn’t Love Me Anymore,

It’s been a long time since we talked. And for that, I’m sorry. But I think it’s time we had a chat.

You know, like adults. Like friends who used to be lovers and still care about each other.

I know you’ve been busy lately, but I wanted to check in with you because I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately. You’re on my mind, probably more than you’d like to be.

Don’t worry — it’s not like that! (At least not all the time.) But there are things we need to talk about and things I want to say. And if it’s okay with you, maybe we can do that right now?

Dear Man Who Doesn’t Love Me,

First of all, I want to thank you for being the man that I thought you were. While we were dating and then married, you seemed like a great guy who would be an asset to any woman’s life. You treated me with respect and kindness when we were together, and even when we weren’t. You did everything right; except one thing.

You didn’t love me.

I’m not sure when it happened or how it happened, but somewhere along the way, your feelings changed and you decided that our marriage wasn’t something you wanted anymore. That’s okay! It happens all the time! I’m just disappointed that it happened in my case because I thought we had something special together.

Dear man who doesn’t love me anymore,

I just want you to know that I understand.

You’re getting out and breaking free. I get it. Really, I do. You are so afraid of being trapped in a relationship that you’d rather break up with me than be my boyfriend. That makes perfect sense because we’ve been dating for five years and you still don’t really know what you want from life.

You are afraid of marriage, commitment and responsibility so this is your way of getting out without hurting me or ruining our friendship or whatever other bullshit excuse you gave me when you told me that you didn’t love me anymore.

I’m not angry or upset with you at all because I understand why this happened — I mean, it’s not like we ever had any real discussions about our future together anyway, right? So why should this come as a shock to either one of us?

Dear man who doesn’t love me anymore,

I’m writing this letter because I need to get something off my chest. It’s been a long time coming, and I know you don’t love me or care about me anymore, but I can’t help it. This is something that needs to be said.

I want to say thank you. Thank you for showing up in my life when it was dark and lonely and cold. Thank you for being there when I needed someone most. You made me feel like there was hope for me after all, that maybe I wasn’t too broken to be fixed or worthwhile after all. You gave me the strength to believe that someone could love me just as much as I love them; that someone could love me even though they knew every part of my past and present and future; that someone could love me even though they knew how damaged I was inside and out on the outside; that someone could love me even though they knew how hard it would be for us to get over each other again if we ever did; that someone could love me even though we had so many things left unsaid between us. Thank you for everything.

Goodbye!

Dear Man Who Doesn’t Love Me Anymore,

It’s been a little over a year since you said the words that changed my life. And I’m still not over it. I’ve been through a lot in the past 12 months, but the one thing that has remained constant is my love for you.

I know we’ve talked about it and agreed that this was for the best. But I don’t think either of us is ready to let go yet. Because every time I try to move on, you pop back into my head and make me feel like it’s not over yet.

I know that sometimes love just isn’t enough, but in our case it was everything. We had so much fun together; we laughed until our stomachs hurt, we made each other better versions of ourselves, and we loved each other with all our hearts and souls. And now all of that is gone just like that? Just like that? You know what they say: “If something seems too good to be true…”

I don’t want to give up on us just because things got hard or because we couldn’t make things work long distance when they weren’t supposed to work at all.

Dear [name],

I’m writing to you because I don’t know how else to say what I want to say.

You left me and now it’s been two months. You’ve been gone for two months and I still feel like I can’t breathe most days.

You’re not the only one who’s hurting, but you are the only one who seems to be fine. And I’m sorry for that — but it’s just the truth.

I can’t even sleep at night because all I can think about is how much you hurt me and how much it hurts when you tell me it’s not your fault, that you didn’t do anything wrong, that you never meant any harm by doing what you did — which is just bullshit.

You meant every word. Every single word was intentional and purposeful, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise and no matter how hard it is for us to admit our own faults when they come around again, again and again.

Dear [the man who doesn’t love me anymore],

I don’t know exactly how to start this letter because it’s hard for me to put into words what I’m feeling. The truth is that I’m hurting, and I’m angry at you. But more than anything else, I’m sad.

I’m sad because you broke my heart, but more than that, I’m sad because you have no idea how much you’ve broken mine. How could you? You never tried to understand what makes me happy and what makes me sad. You never asked me about my past or listened when I told you about it. You never cared enough to find out what makes me tick or why I need things in my life the way they are now.

You never cared enough to try and figure out why things went wrong between us. And now it’s too late because we’re over — and that’s a shame because there’s still so much left unsaid between us.

Dear man who doesn’t love me anymore,

I’m sorry that you’re not in love with me anymore. I’m sorry that my flaws have become too glaring for you to overlook. I’m sorry that your friends don’t like me and they’ve convinced you I’m not good enough for you.

I’m sorry that you’ve decided I am not worth it.

I know that it’s unfair of me to expect anything from you right now; it’s unfair of me to expect for our relationship to be all sunshine and roses when I know how hard it is for both of us to be in this situation. But I can’t help myself from wanting more from you.

I want more because despite all the bad things that have happened between us, I still believe in us and there are times when I think about what our future could look like together if only we weren’t trying so hard to let go of each other right now.

Dear man who doesn’t love me anymore,

I’m writing this letter because I can’t sleep. Or because I’ve been crying in my bed for the past three hours and my eyes are red and puffy and my cheeks are sore from being rubbed so hard, and I can’t stop thinking about you.

Maybe it’s because I don’t know how to let go of you. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to let go of you.

Or maybe it’s because the truth is that I don’t want anyone else but you in my life. Ever since we started dating, I’ve been thinking about you all the time — even when I’m with someone else, even when we’re not together anymore — and now that we’re not together anymore… well… it just hurts more than anything ever has before in my life.

I miss you so much that sometimes it’s hard for me to breathe when I think about how much time has passed since we were last together.

Dear man who doesn’t love me anymore,

I know you’re not happy with me. I know that you want to leave me and that you’ve been thinking about it for a long time. But what I don’t understand is why you don’t love me anymore? What did I do to make you stop loving me? What happened? Was it something I said? Something I did? If so, please tell me so that I can fix it. Or maybe it’s something else entirely that has nothing to do with me at all and everything to do with you. Maybe there’s something going on in your life that’s causing you to feel this way towards me, but if there is anything at all that I can do to help fix whatever it is then please let me know because no matter how bad our relationship may be at this point, I still want us to work out.

I know that we both have issues and problems in our relationship which has caused us both pain over the years, but we’ve been together for almost 10 years now and despite all of our ups and downs we have managed to come through them together stronger than ever before. So why throw away everything we’ve built up together over the years.

Also See: Letter To The Man I Used To Love