Living with a narcissist is a destructive experience for any child, but now that you are an adult, you can make your own choices about where your future lies. A letter of goodbye is an appropriate, and often necessary step in moving on from this toxic relationship.
Goodbye Letter To Narcissistic Mother
Dear Mother,
You were always a narcissistic monster. You’ve always been so wrapped up in yourself that you couldn’t see beyond what you wanted. You never cared about anyone or anything but yourself.
And I’m finally done with it. I’m done with your selfishness, your demands, and your expectations of me being the same as you.
I don’t want to be like you anymore. So I’m leaving and this time, it’s for good.
Dear Mother,
I’m sorry that I haven’t been in touch for a while. I’ve been busy with work and other things, but I wanted to let you know that I’m doing well. I hope that you are too.
I want to say goodbye before I leave for college, because it’s likely that we won’t see each other again after this.
I realize now that it’s time for me to move on from our relationship. It’s not healthy for me to continue being around someone who is so controlling and abusive. You have tried many times over the years to convince me otherwise, but the truth is that you have never valued me as an individual. Instead, you have always seen me as an extension of yourself something that can be controlled and used as a means to an end: your own happiness and success at any cost.
For my own sanity and self-respect, I must end this relationship once and for all.
Dear Mom,
It’s time for me to say goodbye. It’s been a long time coming, and I know it won’t be easy for you, but it’s something that has to happen if either of us are going to move forward with our lives.
I’m writing this letter because I want you to know that I understand how difficult it is to lose someone who was once so important to you. I also want you to know that I am sorry for having been the cause of so much pain in your life.
When I was younger, it felt like there was no way out of our relationship; like we had no choice but to keep going through the same old patterns over and over again, with no hope of ever getting any better between us. But now that I’ve grown up, I realize there is another choice: You can let go and find peace in whatever new life awaits you without having to rely on me anymore. That doesn’t mean we will never see each other again; it just means that when we do come together again someday (and hopefully one day soon), we’ll be able to do so as two separate people with separate experiences who have both grown from what happened between us before.
Dear Mom,
I’m writing to let you know that I’ve decided to end our relationship. It’s not you, it’s me—and also the fact that you’re a narcissistic sociopath.
I know that this news will come as a shock to you and probably throw your entire life into turmoil, but I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and have finally reached my decision: I will no longer be speaking with or interacting with you in any way.
I am so sorry that our relationship has been so painful for me, but I just can’t do it anymore. I know that this letter will only make things worse for both of us, but sometimes the truth hurts and there’s no way around it.
Dear Mom,
I hope this letter finds you well. I know we’ve had our differences over the years, but I wanted to take a moment to say goodbye. I’m writing this because I feel that it’s time for me to move on from our relationship so that I can focus on my own life.
I want you to know that I understand your shortcomings, and that I think you’re a lovely person who has been through a lot in her life. But because of your narcissistic tendencies, I don’t think it would be healthy for us to continue our relationship as it is now. It’s not fair to either of us; there are things about me that you don’t like and things about you that others don’t like.
You may not agree with this decision or even understand why it’s necessary, but please know that it comes from a place of love and concern. If there were any other way for us to stay connected without hurting each other, believe me when I say that would be my first choice.
I wish you all the best in life—you deserve happiness and success beyond what most people experience. Please know that even though we won’t be talking anymore (at least not regularly),
Dear Mom,
I’m writing to let you know that I’m leaving.
I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, and I’ve decided it’s time to move on.
I know that this will be hard for you. You’re used to me being here—to being your constant source of affirmation, your “yes girl,” as they say. But it’s time for me to find myself and do my own thing. And I want you to be okay with that. I want you to support me as I go out into the world and make something of myself on my own terms.
So goodbye, Mom, It’s been real.
Dear Mom,
It’s been a long time since I’ve written to you. I don’t even know if you’ll read this letter, but I’ve wanted to write it for so long that I just can’t keep it in anymore.
I want to tell you how much I hate you. How much it hurts me that you’ve never loved me, or even pretended to love me. How much it hurts that every moment of my life has been spent trying to make you happy and feeling like a failure when that didn’t work out. How much it hurts that all your love went to my brother, who took everything from me, my father’s attention, my mother’s love, my childhood innocence and then died before he could pay any of it back. He was always the favorite son, and there was no way for me to win against him in any way whatsoever.
I want to tell you how much it hurts that Dad died when I was so young and didn’t get the chance to say goodbye or even know who he really was because he spent so much time trying to be who he thought would make Mom happiest instead of being honest with himself and us about how he really felt about things like religion or politics or even how we should spend our free time.
Dear mom,
I’m writing this letter to let you know that we’re done. I’ve tried for a long time to make it work, but I can’t anymore. It’s not that I don’t love you on the contrary, it’s because I love you that I’m walking away.
I know that your need for attention and approval is so great that it’s easy to forget about other people’s needs. And it’s also easy for you to forget about the fact that when you do things like gaslight your children or control their lives without their consent, it actually hurts them and makes them feel less safe.
You’ve made me feel unsafe my entire life. You’ve made me feel like nothing was ever good enough, and that you would always find something wrong with whatever decision I made in order to make yourself feel better about yourself. You’ve never just been happy for me, you’ve always had to find some way of making me feel less than or weak so that you could feel strong.
And now? Now I need space from all of that so badly. So please give me some room with no expectations, no manipulation tactics, no guilt trips and no “I-told-you-so”s when something doesn’t go according to my plans.
Also See: Heartbreaking Goodbye Letter To A Narcissist
